Let’s set the scene: my friend is studying abroad in Germany, and felt like going out to a few bars because she was living in a cramped apartment and just needed to get out. She was accompanied by a guy she didn’t particularly care for, but hey, it’s better than going out alone, right?

Maybe not.

She got tired so they decided to walk back home a little early, and somehow the topic of sex came up. Well, he brought it up.

Since this event was a situation that was regarding male/female relationships, I’ll continue along that line, but it definitely can apply to queer relationships as well. But for the sake of continuity, I will use an apparently heterosexual example.

Time for inserting misogynistic remarks! WOOO! Aren’t you excited?

Well, first thing he told her was that “sex is always about the man.”

Ummm. What the fuck. Sex is supposed to be consensual, right? RIGHT? I mean, if you’re only having sex to please one person, isn’t that a little...bad? Sex is about sharing intimacy. That’s right, SHARING. Yeah I used that word! Yeah I used caps lock! It needs to be big and obvious, because, you know, it’s true. Very, very true. You are forewarned that there may be more usage of the caps lock key of doom. For serious.

Well, as I was saying, sex should be consensual. If it’s “all about the man,” it seems a little like rape to me. As he was describing it, in his tone, IT SEEMS A HELL OF A LOT LIKE DATE RAPE. You feelin’ me? You feelin’ the caps lock? Well you better be, because this whole thing makes me pissed as hell. And you should feel the same way.

Second thing he told her was that he “would never give a woman oral sex, because that means she’s in control.” He also implied that women should give men oral sex, because, you know, it’s their fucking DUTY.

DUTY??? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. No one needs to do anything they don’t want to do. If he doesn’t want to go down on a girl, he doesn’t need to. Maybe he doesn’t like doing it. Maybe he’s a little squicked by being that close to a woman’s vagina. Or maybe some other completely legitimate reason. Really any reason is legitimate, EXCEPT HIS. Maybe you don’t like giving women oral but you love it yourself. That’s cool. That’s completely fine. And if your partner likes to and wants to give you head, right on. It’s totally awesome for you. BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER EXPECT IT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A MAN AND THEREFORE YOU “MUST ALWAYS BE IN CONTROL.”

Feelin’ that caps lock? I am.

Again, this does not just apply to men. This applies to any relationship of any kind where one partner flat out expects the other partner to do anything and everything they ask, because they are somehow “superior” and therefore deserve it. (Just making sure you all remember.)

Oh wait, he said more...good lord I wish he would have learned to shut the fuck up by now. But apparently not...

To put it simply, he added in some last words before they got back to the apartment and she could escape his unbelievable misoginy. They were, and I’m paraphrasing, “Men should get to sleep with whoever they want. It’s an obvious thing. But no woman should do that. I want to sleep with virgins, not sluts.”

OOOOH...could this get any more fucked up? Probably, but this was the end of the line. FINALLY. She got home and didn’t need to listen to any more of this. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to comment on it. How are you possibly supposed to sleep with so many women when you only want to sleep virgin women, or at least women with enough discretion to not be considered a “slut”? I’m sure no woman meeting your expecations would sleep with a overwhelmingly sexist guy like YOU.

So sum this up...too give a little tl;dr...PEOPLE WHO EXPECT OTHER PEOPLE TO PERFORM SEX ACTS ON THEM ARE TOTAL FUCKHEADS. Yeah, I said “fuckheads.” IN CAPS LOCK.

Sex should be consensual. Sex should be reciprocal (as in you should talk with and agree with your partner about what you will and will not do together). And sex should should not carry a double standard between partners. If any of these things aren’t going down, you really shouldn’t be having sex with each other in the first place.


Kirk out.

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