Jamie and Tom headed out to the field behind arts and crafts to smoke after dinner. They took a golf cart out there, which wasn’t really necessary. It wasn’t far at all, but they wanted to get high and fuck around out with the cart out there in the fields.

They pulled up behind the crudely painted brown building—nothing more than a large shack really—where they sat in the idling cart. For some reason, she felt sadder than she had in days. During Amanda’s funeral she was strangely detached, but tonight her sadness caught up with her. Tom turned the golf cart off and put his legs up. He took a bag out of his pocket and began to pack a bowl.

“You look so serious,” he said quietly. She was looking thoughtfully at the small path in between the woods and the building. It was the only way to get to the spot they were sitting by foot.

“Do you think we should go farther out? We’re pretty close to camp here. Sometimes the CIT’s come back here to make out.”

“Wink, wink” he said, laughing. There was very little that Tom took seriously, and thus there was little that scared him.

“Yeah I guess you’re right. It’s just our jobs I guess.” She smiled, and took the bowl from him. They both sat quietly. It was growing dark and she shivered. The chill brought with it the recollection of the past few days. “I have got to break up with him,” she said with finality, as if it was the conclusion to a long discussion.
He shook his head and propped the bowl in one of the golf cart’s cup holders. He had a habit of rubbing his pointer finger and thumb together when he was thoughtful. He didn’t say anything. Anyway, they both knew what his opinion was.

“I know it. I know I do.” She felt herself start to get upset. She looked at Tom seriously. “It’s just that I wanted him for so long. He was always the person I wanted to be with.”

Tom didn’t know what to say so he sighed and began to pack another bowl. He didn’t like to have this kind of earnest conversation, not even with someone he liked as much as Jamie. She always wanted to talk about serious things, which was one of the reasons why they usually smoked pot. It made her talk less, and him talk more.
Finally he said casually, “Jamie, I dunno. It’s hard for me to believe that anyone could feel that way about him.”

She gave him an angry look and then dropped her head. “Can you please not make a joke?” She was already too high and so upset about everything that she felt like crying. He started to apologize but she continued. “Seriously, Tom don’t be mean, I can’t take it right now. Jesus, I didn’t even cry at Amanda’s fucking funeral, what is this shit?” She angrily pushed her fists against the front of the cart. “Goddammit, I hate this shit.”

Seeing her so upset softened him up. He really liked Jamie, she was the one good girl friend he really had. He rested his elbows on his knees and hunched over, deep in thought. “Go on,” he said seriously.

“I dunno Tom, I know you’re right.” She was crying fully now. “You do know that I never was one of these girls? I’m not one of these tragic Lifetime girls who doesn’t know what the fuck is good for her.”

“Nobody thinks that Jamie.”

“Oh come on. I know what they think.”

“I don’t know about that Jamie,” he said slowly. “Seriously, I don’t think anyone judges you. Everyone likes you. You’re Jamie,” he said with a smile.

“The idiot.” She laughed bitterly.

He picked up the bowl, lit it, and pulled hard.

“You know he didn’t pick up his phone. After he knew Amanda died. After I had gone home. I called him and he didn’t pick up the phone. And he didn’t call me back. And then he acted like nothing had happened.”

“Maybe he didn’t know that you called.”

“I left a message. And you know the other day, the day I got back, he tried to say something to me about something that had happened last summer, about Andrew. He asked me if I had broken up with Andrew before we got together.”

“What?” Tom sat up straight.

“Seriously Tom—the day I got back from my friend’s fucking funeral. The day I got back, he basically fucking accused me of—Jesus I don’t even know what the hell he was trying to accuse me of. He’s the one who tried to get with me when I was dating someone else. Then he goes off on me wanting to make sure that I was actually single when I started seeing him.”

“Alright Jaim—you gotta’ relax. He’s a dumbass.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “You have to relax. You have to. You should dump him if that’s really how you feel.”
She paused, looking for answers. “So you think I should dump him?”

“I dunno Jaim, it’s you’re life. But if you’re that unhappy, then yeah, I guess.” He put the bowl down. It was almost totally dark now.

“I’ve had a terrible week. I’m just sad about Amanda.”

He shrugged. “He is a dick. You should dump him. But don’t stress about it tonight. You’re not going to see him till Saturday really, isn’t that what he said.” He laughed, in spite of himself. “You can dump him at Jackson’s party. It will be sweet.”

She rubbed her eyes. “I guess you’re right. I guess I’ve really made my decision.”

Her face fell. “I know it’s stupid but I just really liked the idea of being with him.”

“You do know this is Josh Synder we’re talking about, right?”