I can imagine the gasps, the stares, and the bewilderment that such a statement might cause. Most girls could make that same statement and no one would bat an eye-lash. But no, that's not the case for me. I don't get off that easy. I have to think of a reason why I haven't had anal sex. I have to explain myself. They pester me for an explanation because I'm not a normal woman; a transsexual woman.
It's just one of those burdens a transsexual woman has to bear that a non-transsexual woman does not. But the real burden isn't the two minutes it takes to explain myself and my reasons. The real burden of being an out transsexual are the assumptions that naturally come with the word "transsexual".
As an out transsexual, even if I believe myself to be fully accepted as a woman, I am still faced on a regular basis with bogus assumptions made by the people around me. Perhaps they assume that I have a lot of sex. So I find myself having to create excuses and reasons why I have only been penetrated by my husband… knowing full well a biological female would never have to explain such a common thing.It extends to my husband. He's found himself assuring family members that he is a heterosexual and that his marriage is legal. Even as recently as last week when he was on the Howard Stern show, he had to correct misconceptions about his sexual orientation. The husband of a biological female would never have to defend his sexual orientation.
Sometimes, someone is more informed than the average citizen. Sometimes they have seen Dr. Phil talk about transsexuals or perhaps seen Oprah interview a depressed pre-transition teen. Yet they still have bogus assumptions. When I say I feel good about my body, these slightly more informed inquisitors will regard my assertion with suspicion.
How could a transsexual, who hates her body so much she has to have expensive surgeries, actually be happy? How could she like her body? How could she be mentally stable? How could she like herself? Isn't she supposed to feel depressed? Aren't they supposed to deserve sympathy? Don't they all feel trapped in their bodies?
It can be so tiring to constantly correct people’s assumptions. It can be so frustrating to interact with those who use stereotypes as their roadmap. Yet I believe it is unavoidable.
If I decide not to tell someone I am a transsexual, then they will see me more for what I am. I'm just a woman who is married to a guy. I'm a woman not that much different from any other. Yet they will still have bogus assumptions.
They will assume that I was born female. They will assume I have a period. They will assume that my lack of parenthood is by choice. And they will continue to assume many inaccurate things about me, only I won't have the opportunity to correct those assumptions.
In the end, I can’t avoid facing bogus assumptions such as “All transsexual women have had anal sex.” I can’t avoid the assumption, but at least I can take the time to correct it.
talkingtranny is host of the show, The Talking Tranny
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