“I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re a girl. You have two X chromosomes and you have lady parts. Stop thinking and acting like a boy! It’s not like you need to be a boy to do the things you want in life!”

Ummm...WHAT?


It’s true you can live a fulfilling life as a woman. But yeah, you can also live a fulfilling life as a man. Or any gender you identify as. And I don’t want someone determining my gender based on what parts I’ve got. Not only is it none of their business what junk I’ve have under my clothes, but why do they even care?

They care because they don’t like change. You were born with a certain set of things that made other people define who you were before you had any say about it. The second you exit your mother’s womb the doctor exclaims, “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!” And you’re stuck with that until you say different. But even when you say, “Hey...you know what you’ve been saying all my life...about how my gender matches my sex...well, I hate to break it to you, but you’re wrong. And it’s always been this way.” “Oh, this is just a phase. You’re a girl! You’re just going thorough a confusing time in your life, you’ll straighten out. It’s not important, there’s nothing wrong with being a girl! You’re just a tomboy! Some guys like that! Stop acting like you need to be a boy to be happy!”

No. You’re just not getting it.

It’s not a phase. And it is important. And, well, I’M the one who knows what my gender is, whether I be a male or something different. And I didn’t just decide. THIS IS HOW IT IS AND THIS IS QUITE LIKELY HOW IT ALWAYS WILL BE.

This is how I grew up. This is how a lot of trans people have grown up. “You’re not a boy! Stop saying that!” or “You’re not a girl! Stop saying that!” When I was little I told everyone I was a boy. And sometimes they believed me. When you’re wearing unisex clothing and have short hair, it isn’t that difficult to believe assume I’m being honest. Why would I lie, right? Well, I wasn’t lying, not exactly, but they didn’t know and they didn’t care that they didn’t know and everything was just fine and dandy.

But when you get older...

You get breasts. Or facial hair. And no matter what you do or wear, it’s hard to hide, especially if you develop early and develop fast. How the hell are you going to hide these things that are so suddenly happening to your body against your will? These changes only solidify the concrete decisions other people have made about your gender. You can no longer tell someone you are your proper gender and have them believe you unconditionally. But please tell me, why should other people be deciding, and telling me, who I am?

To make this long story short, people want you to be simple for them. They want to just automatically see you and say, “That’s a boy!” or “That’s a girl!” People don’t want you to correct them. They would rather think that you’re just being confused and emotional and therefore having temporary identity issues. You know, the kind you get when you go to college and are having a hard time deciding on your major. “Oh don’t worry baby, there’s nothing wrong with being a philosophy major! But I don’t think you’re the type who would do well in math. It’s just not who you are. You can be happy in life without being a math major.”

That example is very similar to the one I gave about gender, right? But it’s not the same thing. AT ALL. College is something you go through. It’s when you decide what you want to do, maybe for the rest of your working life, maybe not. Careers can be transient. But identities...your identity is who you are. YOU can’t change that.

So please, stop. telling. me. who. I. am.

Kirk out.