Dear Fannie,

I've been dating this guy for the past 2 months or so, but we're not "in a relationship" yet. We've been "dating around," but it's mostly been him seeing other people. I feel like we're really good together and I want to move our relationship to the next level and see each other exclusively. How do I move from his sometime guy to his all-the-time guy?

Wanting More


I hate to break it to you, WM... but it sounds like there's a disparity in how much each of you is invested in this relationship. You're obviously committed to making this thing between you two grow into a long-term deal. But that kind of commitment is only useful if it goes both ways. It sounds like you're being dragged around like a love-sick puppy. While I'm sure when you're together it's great. But when you're apart, I get the feeling the object of your affection won't object affection from his other beaus.

My advice? It sounds like you're a giver. Which is awesome, the world needs more givers. The problem with givers is that they have a tendency to forget their own needs and are all too willing to shirk their desires/dreams/needs in exchange for their partners/dependents/colleagues/etc. It's a simple game of supply and demand. You're offering up a surplus of love to this guy, and right now, it looks like he has more than enough love coming in than he can handle. If he wants you, make him work for it! I'm not talking about playing games with him, I'm talking about making him come to you for once. He should want to see you as much as you want to see him. If he doesn't... than dump his ass and find someone worth your affections. Plus, some away time will let you get some perspective on the situation.


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